The Midnight Scroll: Where Sanity Goes to Die

Ah yes, the midnight scroll—that sacred time of night when you should be sleeping but instead find yourself laying in bed, phone glowing like the light of poor decisions, thumb locked into auto-scroll like a raccoon digging through digital garbage.

It always starts innocently.

“I’ll just check one thing,” you lie to yourself, like a fool.

Three hours later you’re deep in a TikTok rabbit hole watching a guy in Finland make tiny furniture for frogs.

You don’t even like frogs.

But you’re emotionally invested now.

Suddenly you’re watching a motivational video that says, “You have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé.”

And now you’re mad.

Because Beyoncé doesn’t have to reheat coffee three times and cry over cover letters.

Then you switch apps.

LinkedIn.

Because why not blend insomnia with rejection?

You scroll past 17 posts about people who “accidentally” landed their dream job by “just being themselves,”

and one post that says, “After getting laid off, I built a six-figure business in 14 days by meditating and selling clay earrings.”

Meanwhile, you just Googled “can you eat expired string cheese.”

Then your brain decides it’s time for reflection.

Remember that one time in 2012 when you said “You too!” to the waiter after he told you to enjoy your meal?

Yeah. That memory is back now.

By 2:23 a.m., you’ve added 11 things to your Amazon cart, joined a virtual support group for people who cry during commercials, and started researching if raccoons can be trained as emotional support animals.

You check the time. Panic.

“I need to sleep!” you yell… silently, because you’re considerate.

You turn your phone over, determined to stop.

You close your eyes.

You toss. You turn.

You reach back for your phone like it’s an ex who “just wants to talk.”

One more scroll.

Now you’re reading about a woman who left corporate America to make artisanal soap in a converted barn and somehow landed a deal with Oprah.

You start questioning your life.

Should you be making soap?

Do you even like soap?

Finally, you fall asleep with your phone still in your hand, face illuminated like the final scene of a tragic comedy.

In the morning?

Zero rest.

Neck pain.

But hey—you now follow five new raccoon rescue accounts, know how to start a worm farm, and have 3 motivational quotes saved for a job you didn’t get.

The midnight scroll:

Chaotic. Pointless. Holy.

We’ll see you again tonight.