Your résumé is impressive… but do you play pickleball?

That’s what the VP of Operations actually said to me. Out loud. With confidence. Like it was a normal interview question and not something ripped directly from a corporate parody sketch.

Let me back up.

I’m in an interview for a role that, on paper, I’m so qualified for I practically wrote the job description in a past life. I’ve got the experience. The strategy. The references. The trauma. You name it.

Round one? Crushed it.

Round two? Still standing.

By round three, I’ve become emotionally attached. I’ve envisioned my first paycheck, mentally rearranged my desk, and picked out my “I’m just so grateful to be here” onboarding sweater.

Now I’m on Zoom with this executive—let’s call him Todd—who looks like his biggest accomplishment is surviving team-building retreats. He’s got AirPods in, a framed inspirational quote behind him (“Grit, Grind, Greatness”), and he greets me with:

“We’re really into culture here.”

Oh boy. That sentence always feels like a red flag wrapped in a TED Talk.

He scrolls through my résumé. Nods. Smiles.

“Impressive background. You’ve got some great leadership experience…”

I smile politely.

“But,” he continues, “do you… play pickleball?”

I blink.

Is this a metaphor?

Like… do I collaborate well in fast-paced situations involving paddles and weird boundary lines?

Or are we talking literal pickleball?

I say, “Um, no, not really.”

He frowns. Like I just confessed to hating puppies.

“We play every Thursday. Leadership team bonding. It’s kind of… part of the culture.”

Okay, but Todd, is it on the job description?

Because I didn’t see “must excel in backhand volleys” listed under preferred qualifications.

He nods, clearly reconsidering my entire identity because I don’t own performance sneakers.

“We find it really helps us determine who’s a team player.”

A team player… based on doubles court agility?

Sir, I have survived four layoffs, two toxic bosses, and an open floor plan.

I am the LeBron James of emotional labor.

But no—I don’t play pickleball.

The interview ends. I send a thank you note. I never hear back.

A week later, I see a team photo on their company LinkedIn:

Smiling employees in matching polos holding pickleball paddles like corporate Excaliburs.

Caption: “We only serve winners here.”

Cool cool cool.

So yeah, I didn’t get the job.

But now I know: the hiring process is no longer about your résumé, your achievements, or your ideas.

It’s about pickleball.

Godspeed, applicants.

May your backs be strong and your paddles be pre-approved by HR.