Woke up like This and Loving It

It’s like every single morning I open my feed and get greeted by that one beautiful girl holding a glass of wine at 8 a.m. with the caption, “Woke up like this and loving it.” She’s sitting on a balcony in Bali, hair blowing perfectly in the breeze as if she hired a personal wind machine. Meanwhile, I’m over here in pajamas that look like they’ve been through a natural disaster, eating stale cereal directly out of the box, and wondering if I have the energy to microwave my coffee for the third time.

Her caption always says something like, “Message me so I can help you become your own boss.” As if I haven’t already been bossing myself around all morning: “Get up!” (Didn’t happen.) “Drink water!” (Still looking for the bottle.) “Stop binge-watching videos on how to reorganize your entire life in 24 hours!” (Absolutely did not stop.)

She’s out there living her best life, posting daily affirmations, dancing to trending songs, and casually mentioning she made six figures last week while only working four hours. Meanwhile, I’m debating whether I should start selling my old Beanie Babies on eBay to cover next month’s electric bill.

She says things like, “You just have to believe in yourself!” Which, to be fair, I do… right up until I check my bank account and see that my belief isn’t paying the Wi-Fi bill. She’s “manifesting abundance,” and I’m manifesting that my frozen pizza doesn’t fall through the oven rack again.

She insists that anyone can quit their job today, travel the world, and be financially free by next Tuesday if they just sign up for her “exclusive mentorship program” — you know, the one that costs as much as a used Honda.

She has a whole morning routine that includes journaling, yoga, matcha lattes, and “sun gazing.” My morning routine consists of snoozing my alarm twelve times, accidentally drooling on my phone, and finally rolling out of bed to step directly onto a rogue Lego.

She writes, “Ask me how I did it!” Okay. How did you do it? Did you inherit a yacht full of gold bars? Did you discover oil in your backyard? Or did you simply become a master at convincing people that their salvation lies in buying your PDF workbook called “Boss Babe Blueprint: Find Your Inner Glow and Quit Your Job Today”?

I mean, good for her. Truly. But when I see those photos, all I can think is: “Wow, I too would love to sip a glass of overpriced Sauvignon Blanc at 8 a.m. on a Tuesday without worrying about my boss pinging me for that ‘quick sync’ that somehow lasts an hour.”

But for now? My boss is still me, and we’ve been fighting all morning about whether to work on my résumé or eat leftover cake for breakfast. Guess who’s winning?

One day, maybe I’ll post my own photo with a glass of wine, captioned “Woke up like this and still mildly confused about my life choices.” Until then, I’ll just keep refreshing my feed, cheering her on from afar, and maybe — just maybe — finally get around to folding that pile of laundry that’s been threatening to form its own government.

So to all my fellow pajama warriors and cereal spoon philosophers: you’re doing great. You don’t need to wake up in Bali to be worthy. Your messy, glorious, snack-filled journey is valid.

Now, excuse me. My coffee just beeped, and my boss (me) says I need to get back to work.