When Karen Reports You to Legal

It’s funny how Karen always gets Legal involved when someone even breathes near the company’s social media policy.

Like, you could post a harmless meme about how “work is just Zoom meetings and pretending to understand PDFs,” and suddenly Karen’s emailing you with the subject line:

“URGENT: POLICY VIOLATION REVIEW – Please Advise”

Ma’am. It’s a SpongeBob meme. Not classified documents.

I remember one time I posted a generic “feeling burned out but blessed” status on LinkedIn. No company name. No details. Just vague emotional exhaustion paired with a stock photo of a sunrise.

Karen immediately scheduled a “quick sync.”

I log in. She’s already there, sipping coffee out of her “World’s Best Compliance Officer” mug like she’s about to interrogate me under fluorescent lighting.

She opens with,

“We saw your post. Legal has concerns.”

Legal.

Has concerns.

About me… being tired.

Apparently, I was “projecting internal dysfunction externally.”

Meanwhile, Greg from sales is out here posting gym selfies in branded polos and calling himself a “corporate warrior in a jungle of KPI dreams.”

No sync for Greg.

Another time, a coworker posted a TikTok in the breakroom lip-syncing to Beyoncé while spinning in an office chair.

Boom.

Karen forwarded it to HR and cc’d Legal faster than you could say “Formation.”

She even timestamped the part where “client documents were visible in the background.”

It was a whiteboard with the words “Lunch & Learn – Tacos?” written on it.

That was the client document.

Karen treats the social media policy like it was carved on stone tablets and handed directly to her by the ghost of Steve Jobs.

You post a photo at a conference and forget to blur your badge?

“Legal will be looped.”

You comment on a coworker’s post with “lol same”?

“Let’s set up a 1:1 to discuss tone.”

One guy tweeted, “Mondays should be illegal.”

Karen replied from the company account with:

“We do not condone criminal behavior.”

It’s not that we don’t respect the policy.

We do.

We’ve read the 46-page PDF and nodded seriously during every slideshow.

But Karen…

Karen treats every emoji like it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

She once printed out someone’s Instagram Story and brought it to a meeting like it was Exhibit A.

It was a boomerang of cold brew.

At this point, we’re all just afraid to post anything.

You could be at your grandma’s birthday party and still wonder,

“Would Karen interpret this cake as anti-brand?”

So now we use burner accounts to like each other’s posts in peace.

We speak in coded comments.

We whisper memes in the hallway like we’re passing forbidden scrolls.

All while Karen walks by with her laminated copy of the social media handbook, ready to summon Legal like she’s casting a compliance spell.

And honestly?

Respect.

Because Karen may scare us.

But at least she’s consistent.

And somewhere, deep down, I know if I’m ever sued for tweeting “Capitalism is exhausting,”

Karen already has the cease and desist letter printed.

Color-coded.

Stapled.

And cc’d to Legal.