The Interview Games

Fun fact: I apply for random jobs like I’m entering a radio sweepstakes. I’ll click “Easy Apply” on roles I don’t even fully understand. Senior Ferret Wrangler? Sure. Cloud-Based Origami Engineer? Why not. Nighttime Vibe Curator? Absolutely.

Then comes that one magical call. The mythical recruiter appears, like a unicorn galloping through my inbox. Suddenly it’s fame on. This is my moment. The Interview Games begin.

I picture a stadium full of stressed-out job seekers, all chanting, “May the odds be ever in your favor!” I grab my metaphorical bow and arrow — which is really just my résumé filled with humble brags and keywords I don’t fully understand.

I show up to the Zoom interview dressed like a budget talk show host. Blazer on top, pajama shorts below. Hair slicked back as if I’m about to read the evening news. I’ve got my motivational sticky notes plastered on my laptop: “Smile more than you cry,” “Don’t mention the existential dread,” “Remember to unmute.”

The recruiter logs on. Their camera is either off or aimed directly at their forehead. They kick off with a classic: “Tell me about yourself.”

Suddenly, I’m on stage at a stand-up comedy open mic. I deliver my lines with passion: “I’m a team player but also a self-starter, a visionary yet detail-oriented, a social butterfly who thrives in solitude.”

Next, they ask: “Why do you want to work here?”

And I resist the urge to say, “Because I saw the job posting at 2 a.m. while eating cereal in bed and had a brief identity crisis.”

Instead, I channel my inner Oscar-winning actor: “I’ve always dreamed of synergizing cross-functional innovation pipelines to deliver scalable holistic outcomes.”

They nod (or so I imagine, since the camera is still pointed at the ceiling fan).

Then comes the curveball: “Do you have any questions for us?”

Oh, you mean my favorite event? The Lightning Round!

I ask, “What’s the day-to-day like?” (Translation: Will I be crying in the bathroom by week two?)

“How’s the team culture?” (Translation: Will Steve from Sales throw staplers when we miss a target?)

“What’s the growth path?” (Translation: Will I get promoted or turned into a permanent intern who ‘just wears many hats’ forever?)

The recruiter answers in corporate riddles: “We’re like a family here… but not the fun kind. More like the one that has awkward Thanksgiving dinners and never addresses real issues.”

I thank them for their time, close my laptop, and immediately replay every single word I said until I’m convinced I’ve just tanked my entire future. My dog watches, deeply unimpressed.

A few days later, I get that email: “We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate.”

No worries. Add it to the collection, right between “You’re overqualified” and “We went with an internal candidate who can barely operate a stapler.”

But here’s the beauty of the Interview Games: each rejection is just another training montage. I come back stronger, faster, funnier. I add new lines to my script, new motivational Post-its to my wall.

I’ll be ready for the next random call. Because deep down, I know each interview is a chance to test my improv skills, flex my buzzword muscles, and collect stories I can laugh about over overpriced coffee.

So here’s to us — the unsung gladiators of the job market arena. We show up, we perform, we get ghosted, and we live to apply again.

When that call comes in, it’s showtime. It’s Interview Games, baby. Let the odds (and the Wi-Fi) be ever in your favor.