She called me a Rock Star…

Every single day—without fail—I get a message on LinkedIn from someone who claims to be a recruiter, but based on the vibes and email address alone (recruiter4u786@gmail.com.biz.edu), I’m pretty sure they were either hacked… or born in a phishing pond.

It always starts the same:

“Hi Alex,

I came across your impressive profile and was WOWED!!!”

Already sus. I haven’t updated my LinkedIn in six months and my last job title says “Unemployed, but optimistic.”

She continues:

“You are perfect for a remote, high-paying leadership position in data strategy, supply chain innovation, and also, if possible, forklift.”

Forklift.

Absolutely.

My résumé says “strategic planning,” but maybe I give off “licensed to operate heavy machinery” energy.

Then she drops the line:

“We’re looking for ROCK START like you!”

Rock start.

Not rock star.

Which makes sense, because I’m not really shining these days—I’m just rolling downhill with minor momentum and a dream.

She wants me to apply immediately by replying with:

• My résumé

• My date of birth

• My mother’s maiden name

• A screenshot of my Wi-Fi router

• And a list of my favorite fonts, “for culture fit”

Meanwhile, her profile picture is the stock image of a woman in a blazer holding a clipboard and smiling at a parking lot.

Her company page?

A logo that looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint and a single post that says “We Are Hiring Talented Peoples.”

Peoples. Plural.

But here’s the kicker—she believes in me.

Like, aggressively.

“Alex, we think you will be a AMAZING LEADER. Your skill in Management and also Email is very top.”

Thank you. I am good at email.

And honestly, on days when real recruiters are ghosting me, Kayla’s ignoring me, and the ATS auto-rejects me faster than I can finish my coffee, it’s kind of nice.

Sure, she’s trying to scam me out of my identity, but she sees me.

She calls me amazing.

She calls me “dear.”

She calls me “Sir/Madam.”

So no, I won’t be applying to “logistics remote position salary $200K guaranteed weekly,” but I will cherish our bond.

Because in the dumpster fire of modern job hunting, nothing says “validation” like a fake recruiter who thinks you’re qualified for literally everything.

Even forklift.