Rejected Emails Bingo

I’m sitting here at the kitchen table this morning, drinking coffee that tastes like it was brewed with old gym socks and existential dread. Meanwhile, I’m playing my new favorite game: “Rejected Emails Bingo.”

You know the game — where you open your inbox, take a big swig of that questionable coffee, and see which auto-generated “thanks but no thanks” email will pop up today.

Ding! “We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates.” Mark that square.

Ding! “We’ll keep your resume on file for future opportunities.” Free space.

Ding! “After careful consideration, we have chosen a different direction.” That’s my diagonal win right there!

At this point, I’m half-convinced some of these companies didn’t even read my application. I picture someone tossing resumes into a giant spinning bingo cage and pulling them out at random while their coworker yells, “B-12! Send him the ‘best of luck in your future endeavors’ email!”

Then you get the real gems — the ones that say, “Although your skills are impressive, we’re looking for someone whose experience more closely matches our needs.” Oh, you mean you needed a fire-breathing unicorn who also moonlights as a NASA engineer and speaks fluent whale? My bad.

And don’t get me started on the ones that ghost you entirely. You spend three rounds of interviews pouring your soul into every question, sending thank-you notes like you’re auditioning for The Bachelor, and then — radio silence. You start wondering if they were even real. Was it all a simulation? Did I hallucinate the whole interview process during a particularly vivid dream fueled by my 3 a.m. cheese stick snack?

Meanwhile, your friends and family try to help:

“Just stay positive!”

“Your dream job is right around the corner!”

“Have you tried manifesting with crystals?”

Thank you, Aunt Linda. I’ll be sure to consult my amethyst next time I hit “submit.”

So here I am, sipping my sock-flavored coffee, accidentally re-reading my own cover letter for the 47th time, and contemplating adding “professional email opener” to my resume.

But here’s the weird, beautiful part: despite the cringe coffee, the endless rejections, and the moments of spiraling self-doubt, we keep going. Because underneath the bruised ego and the recycled email templates, there’s a stubborn little spark that refuses to die.

A voice that whispers, “One day, you’ll open your inbox and there it’ll be. The email that says ‘We want you.’ The moment that makes every terrible cup of coffee, every ghosting, every awkward video interview with your cat in the background worth it.”

So if you’re sitting at your kitchen table today, playing your own version of Rejected Emails Bingo, know that I’m right there with you — raising my mug of tragic coffee in solidarity.

Keep the faith. Keep laughing. And maybe, switch to tea tomorrow.