My life as a Resume

You ever have that moment where the kids are finally asleep, the house is quiet, and you sneak outside like you’re doing something illegal—just to sit by the fire pit with a glass of wine and question every life choice you’ve ever made?

Because that was me last night.

There I was, sitting like a grown man in a hoodie that’s seen better decades, sipping red wine from a mug that says “World’s Okayest Dad,” watching the flames crackle like they knew too much. And suddenly—my life started flashing before my eyes like a résumé I didn’t apply for.

If my life were a résumé, it would start strong and get real weird around page two.

Objective:

To survive with humor, caffeine, and semi-consistent Wi-Fi.

Experience:

• Full-time Parent: Multitasked meals, meltdowns, and mysterious sticky substances.

• Side Hustler: Sold stuff on Facebook Marketplace and considered an MLM twice.

• Emotional Support Human: For kids, coworkers, and that one friend who “just needs to vent real quick for 2 hours.”

Skills:

• Can microwave nuggets with one hand while emailing a recruiter with the other.

• Fluent in passive-aggressive PTA emails.

• CPR certified (Crisis, Prayer, and Reheating leftovers).

I’m not gonna lie—at one point, I raised my glass and said out loud to nobody,

“God, I hope you’re documenting this for the book deal.”

Because listen…

There’s the version of life you think you’ll have—linear, clean, inspirational.

And then there’s the version where you’re crying over a rejection email while hiding in the laundry room eating string cheese.

But here’s the plot twist: I wouldn’t trade it.

Because somehow, through the chaos and unanswered prayers, the ghosted job apps and grocery runs where the only thing I remember to buy is emotional damage…

I’m still here.

Still standing.

Still laughing.

Still hoping.

And still wondering how a tiny human can scream for 45 minutes because their banana broke in half.

So if you’re out there tonight—by your fire pit, your balcony, your car parked three blocks from your kids just for five minutes of peace—

Just know this:

Your life may not be wrapped in success bullet points.

But it’s wrapped in resilience.

In humor.

In grace.

And God?

He’s not reviewing your LinkedIn.

He’s writing your story.

And buddy… it’s getting good.