McFeelings

I know there are a lot of McDonald’s fans out there, so I need to tread lightly… but hear me out:

It’s time for McDonald’s to launch a special social menu for the unemployed, the laid off, and the perpetually ghosted.

I’m talking about a “We See You” menu. A place where we can cry into our fries in peace, away from all the “Congrats on the new role!” energy.

Here’s what I imagine:

The “Application Appetizer Sampler”

You start hopeful: McNuggets representing your carefully crafted cover letters, fries as your “I can start ASAP” notes, and those flimsy ketchup packets symbolizing your rapidly thinning optimism.

The “Rejected but Resilient” Meal Deal

Includes a burger you stare at for an hour because you can’t process another “We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates” email. Served with a side of “It’s not you, it’s us” sauce.

The “Ghosted McFlurry”

A swirl of confusion, anxiety, and existential dread. Topped with Oreo crumbs that symbolize all the LinkedIn DMs you’ll never get answers to.

The “Internal Candidate Deluxe”

A sad, lonely cheeseburger with one pickle slice. You thought you had a chance, but surprise! Someone’s nephew in HR already had it in the bag.

The “Never-Ending Interview Nuggets”

A bottomless box of nuggets for every additional round of interviews they promised would be the “last one.” Includes an optional dipping sauce called “Presentation You Created for Free.”

The “Follow-Up Filet-O-Fish”

A sandwich you order weekly while you check in on your “pending” application from six months ago. Spoiler: the sandwich might actually move faster than your recruiter.

The “Networking Shamrock Shake”

Only available during certain seasons when everyone suddenly remembers they have “connections” — mostly Karen from HR who only replies with “Keep in touch!”

The “Final Offer Sundae”

A sundae so rare that when you finally get it, you’re suspicious it might be a prank. Comes with a free spoon to dig up all the self-doubt and imposter syndrome you buried under your resume keywords.

And because we can’t forget the true MVPs…

The “Bounced Check Breakfast Burrito”

For the freelancers who finally got that gig… only to realize they’ll be paid on Net-900 terms. Delicious, sad, and slightly stale — just like that one client’s promises.

I can already see the ad campaign:

“You’ve been ghosted. You’ve been rejected. You’ve been told ‘we’ll keep your resume on file.’ Now… you deserve a Happy Meal for your soul.”

Honestly, I don’t even want a toy. Just slip me a coupon for one free week of self-esteem and a nap.

Imagine the community vibe. A place where someone on their fourth free refill of Diet Coke can lock eyes with you and just know.

We’ll exchange that subtle nod that says, “I, too, have been left on ‘seen’ by six recruiters and two VPs this week.”

Because let’s face it: the job hunt is basically a combo meal of heartbreak, confusion, and surprise emotional growth no one ordered.

So yes, McDonald’s, if you’re listening, please consider the “Ghosted Gourmet” menu. Because nothing says “I’m still valuable!” like treating yourself to a 10-piece nugget meal at 11am on a Tuesday in your car, in yesterday’s interview outfit, listening to a podcast on “How to Manifest Your Dream Job.”

We see each other. And someday, maybe… we’ll see that final offer email, too.

Until then? Meet me in the drive-thru. I’ll be the one ordering extra napkins — for the ketchup, and the tears.