LinkedIn Confessions

A while back I had an interview with a company, and I thought I was prepared for anything. I had my resume memorized forward and backward, practiced my STAR method answers until my shower walls begged me to stop, and even ironed a shirt that wasn’t a “Zoom shirt” (aka business on top, pajama pants on bottom).

I logged on, expecting the classics: “Tell me about yourself,” “What are your greatest strengths,” and the timeless, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” (Answer: gainfully employed and not on this call, thank you very much.)

But instead… every single question was about my LinkedIn posts.

The recruiter looked like she’d just discovered a new true crime podcast as she leaned in and said, “On June 14th, you posted about ghosting and used the phrase ‘email purgatory.’ Can you elaborate on your mindset when you wrote that?”

I froze. My mind went blank, like when you walk into a room and forget why you’re there. Was I supposed to prepare for this? Should I have created a LinkedIn Post Study Guide? CliffsNotes? A 90-slide PowerPoint presentation titled “My Emotional Damage and Office Humor: A Deep Dive”?

They continued: “In your post from July 7th, you wrote ‘interviewing is like dating but with more ghosting and less free dinner.’ Can you tell us how that aligns with our company’s core values?”

I almost answered, “It aligns perfectly because your recruiter ghosted me for two weeks before this interview,” but I swallowed that one.

Then they pulled out the big guns. “We noticed you received 482 likes on a post where you described ageism as ‘HR’s polite way of calling you vintage.’ Could you walk us through what inspired that analogy?”

At this point, I started wondering if I was on a hidden camera show called LinkedIn Confessions: The Reckoning. I imagined Chris Hansen popping in with a folder: “We have the screenshots. Please, have a seat.”

They kept going. “In one of your comment replies, you said you wanted to be ‘hired faster than a dad at a Sunday BBQ when someone says, who wants to man the grill?’ How would you translate that enthusiasm into workplace synergy?”

I had to fight the urge to respond with a dramatic reading of my post, Shakespeare-style.

By the end, I felt like I was defending a doctoral dissertation titled ‘Self-Deprecating Humor and the Decline of Corporate Sanity: A Memoir.’

When they finally asked, “Do you have any questions for us?” I nearly replied, “Yes, did you also read my embarrassing college poetry on MySpace, or did you stop at LinkedIn?”

Afterward, I shut my laptop, stared into the void, and promised myself never to post anything again… for at least 24 hours.

So here’s my lesson for you: if you’re going to share your thoughts online, just know someone out there might one day ask you to explain why you compared your job search to a Costco sample tray.

And to that company, wherever you are — thanks for the free therapy session disguised as an interview. Can’t wait to see how you spin my jokes into your next culture slide deck.