Kayla 2: Return of the Panel Interview

Kayla 2: Return of the Panel Interview

A corporate horror sequel based on true events (and emotional damage)

When we last left off, I had barely escaped the dreamscape chaos of Interview from Hell, where Kayla the recruiter ghosted me inside a castle made of rejection letters, a Keurig that brewed disappointment, and cubicles suspended over lava.

But just when I thought it was safe to log back onto LinkedIn…

Kayla returned.

Not with an apology.

Not with feedback.

But with an invite to a panel interview.

The email simply read:

“Hi Alex! We loved your background. Are you available for a quick 90-minute panel with 6 stakeholders next Thursday at 10am?”

Quick?

Quick???

That’s not an interview. That’s a United Nations summit.

Naturally, I said yes.

Because I’m unemployed and this felt dangerously close to hope.

Scene 1: The Waiting Room of Doom

I show up early (because trauma), water bottle in hand, eyebrows expressive but not too aggressive.

A woman named Danielle lets me into the virtual room. She smiles like someone who has already decided I’m not getting the job.

Kayla appears.

She’s got the same headset, same business-casual tiara from the dream.

She says, “Hi Alex! Thanks for joining us again!”

Again?

Kayla, this isn’t a family reunion. This is your second attempt at professionally ghosting me.

Scene 2: The Panel

And then they arrive.

Six boxes.

Six people.

All with vague titles like “Synergy Architect” and “VP of Strategic Possibility.”

One man just goes by “Chad - Transformation.” That’s it. No verbs. No nouns. Just vibes.

The questions begin.

“Walk us through a time you turned ambiguity into action.”

“How do you scale empathy?”

“What’s your leadership style in the face of disruptive enablement?”

I start sweating. I say something about collaboration. I may have blacked out halfway through describing “emotional KPIs.”

Chad nods solemnly like I’ve just explained the blockchain to a toddler.

Then someone asks,

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

And I answer honestly:

“Hopefully in a job that doesn’t require 12 people to decide if I’m worthy of a W-2.”

They laugh.

Nervously.

Scene 3: The Ambush

Out of nowhere, Kayla jumps in:

“One final question—we’re still refining the role, and it may evolve into something slightly adjacent. Is that okay?”

Define “slightly adjacent,” Kayla.

Are we talking different responsibilities, or are you about to turn this marketing role into forklift operations?

But I smile and nod because that’s what job seekers do.

We pretend “adjacent” isn’t code for “we have no idea what we’re doing but please act flexible while we make it up.”

Scene 4: The Exit

We wrap. They thank me. Someone says,

“Great energy!”

Which is recruiter speak for “We’re not calling you, but we appreciated the smile.”

I log off. Sit in silence.

The ghost of Kayla still flickering in my monitor.

Two hours later, no email.

No update.

But she viewed my LinkedIn profile again.

She’s watching me.

And I know what this means.

There’s going to be a third installment.

Probably called:

Kayla 3: The Feedback Loop

Coming soon to a job seeker’s nightmares near you.

Stay strong, my friends.

And remember—when they say “panel,” what they really mean is boss battle.