Just Ghost IT

Nike: Just Ghost It™ – The Official Shoe of the Unemployed and Emotionally Available

Look, it’s time we talk about the elephant in the interview room: being unemployed in 2025 is basically a full-time job without benefits, PTO, or even a passive-aggressive Slack channel to lurk in.

So Nike, if you’re listening—it’s time. Give the people what they really need: The Ghost Runners™.

These aren’t your average sneakers. No, no. These are specifically engineered for job seekers who’ve been left on “Read” more times than a situationship in July. Crafted for endurance, powered by hope, and held together by desperation and iced coffee.

Features include:

• Auto-Lacing System – Tightens every time you refresh your inbox and whisper “Maybe today.”

• Tear-Absorbent Insoles – For that moment you get the “We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates” email five minutes after they viewed your profile.

• Ghost Shield™ Technology – Deflects passive-aggressive recruiter messages like “We’ll be in touch soon!”

• LinkedIn Traction Grip™ – Designed to help you navigate the algorithm treadmill with minimal slippage and maximum disappointment.

• Unemployment Mode™ – When activated, they refill your coffee, whisper affirmations like “You’re still valuable,” and gently hide your phone at 2 a.m. so you don’t apply to that “Entry-Level” VP role requiring 15 years of experience and a PhD in vibes.

Bonus limited-edition collabs include:

• The Indeed 12s – Cushioned for all-day rejection.

• The ZipRecruiter Zooms – With a feature that auto-cancels any “chatbot interview” that tries to assess your entire career in 3 multiple-choice questions.

• The Monster Energy Interns – Because your 25 years of experience apparently still qualifies you for “unpaid learning opportunities.”

Each pair comes with a Complimentary Mental Breakdown Kit™, including:

• 1 tub of ice cream

• 3 rejection emails from jobs you forgot you applied to

• A motivational sticker that says “You were NOT ghosted. They’re just intimidated.”

And, of course, the classic Nike swoosh, but slightly more droopy—like your posture after another “We loved your background, but…” email.

Let’s face it. If Apple can design a $4,000 headset for mixed reality, surely Nike can design a $49.99 shoe for unmixed emotions.

Because this isn’t just about comfort. This is about performance under pressure. About dignity with laces. About walking into yet another networking event and saying, “Hi, I’m available and emotionally stable. Please don’t offer me a franchise opportunity.”

So Nike, what are we waiting for?

Just Ghost It™.

Let the unemployed run the world—one rejected application at a time.

—Alex Pyatkovsky

Currently available for brand partnerships, ghosting-themed TED Talks, and shoe modeling gigs for the emotionally resilient.