Job Hunting or Modern Dating

Job hunting is starting to feel exactly like modern dating, except instead of looking for a soulmate to share sunsets and overpriced charcuterie boards with, I’m just out here trying to find someone who’ll give me a salary and maybe dental.

Think about it: you spend hours crafting your profile (sorry, I mean resume). You make sure every line is the perfect mix of humble brag and “please love me.” You pick your best photo where you look slightly employed and moderately well-rested. Then you hit “submit” and wait, hoping they’ll swipe right.

You send out application after application like desperate love letters into the void. “Hi! I love your company’s mission and values. I think we’d make a great team. Please pick me. I can start Monday. I come with references and zero emotional baggage (lies).”

Then… silence. Nothing. You check your inbox like someone waiting for a text from their crush. “Maybe they’re just busy. Maybe they didn’t see it. Maybe their cat stepped on their keyboard and accidentally deleted my application.”

Days turn into weeks, and finally you get that long-awaited notification. Your heart jumps. You open it with shaky hands.

“We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates. But we’ll keep your resume on file.”

Ah yes, the classic “It’s not you, it’s us. Actually, it’s definitely you.”

If you’re lucky enough to land an interview, it feels like that first awkward date at a coffee shop where both of you pretend to be cooler than you actually are. They ask deep, personal questions:

“What’s your biggest weakness?”

Me: “Breadsticks. And overthinking every interaction for the next seven years.”

They ask where you see yourself in five years, and you’re tempted to say, “Celebrating the five-year anniversary of you finally emailing me back.”

Then there’s the panel interview. Imagine going on a date and having to meet not just your potential partner but their nine roommates, their dentist, and their raccoon life coach — all at once.

And don’t even get me started on “ghosting.” You pour your soul into your application, bare your professional heart, and then… nothing. You’re left refreshing your email every 10 minutes like a heartbroken teenager.

Some companies list jobs for months, like that person who keeps reappearing on dating apps because “they’re just keeping their options open.”

Then there are the ones who say they’re “looking for a unicorn.” Translation: they want someone with 25 years of experience, under 25 years old, willing to work weekends for free pizza and “exposure.”

At least in dating, if things go badly, you can eat ice cream in bed and watch sad movies. In job hunting, you do the same thing… but while editing your resume for the 67th time and rewriting your cover letter like it’s a dramatic breakup note.

But here’s the thing: whether it’s dating or job hunting, you learn to keep going. You learn that ghosting doesn’t define you. You learn to laugh at the weird questions and rejection emails that read like passive-aggressive haikus.

Somewhere out there is a job (or person) who’s not going to ask you for free labor disguised as “a fun challenge,” or judge you for that weird gap year when you “found yourself” watching true crime documentaries and starting a sourdough starter.

So if you’re out there swiping through endless job postings, surviving awkward interviews, and dealing with ghost-level silence — you’re not alone.

We are many.

We are resilient.

And we just want a steady paycheck (and maybe free coffee).

Keep going. Your “perfect match” is out there, probably stuck in someone’s spam folder.