It’s Not You, It’s… Definitely You” – Rejection Emails That Sound Like Breakups

So I opened my inbox this morning with the kind of hope normally reserved for lottery tickets and miracle weight loss gummies.

And there it was.

Subject: “Thank you for your interest…”

I already knew. That’s corporate code for “Buckle up, champ. You’re about to be gently crushed.”

But I clicked anyway.

Because closure.

And what followed?

A rejection email that read like someone breaking up with me after a passionate three-week romance built on Zoom calls, carefully crafted follow-ups, and one very emotionally vulnerable cover letter.

Here’s the opening line:

“We were truly impressed with your background and the experience you bring.”

Translation: You were cute, but we met someone hotter with Salesforce certification.

Then it hit me with:

“After careful consideration, we’ve decided to move forward with other candidates whose experience more closely aligns with our needs.”

Which, if we’re being honest, is the professional version of:

“I just think we’re in different places right now.”

And just when I thought it was over, they added:

“We’ll keep your information on file should future opportunities arise.”

Oh cool—so I’m the ex you keep in your phone “just in case”?

No thank you.

I deserve better.

It’s not even the rejection that hurts—it’s the emotional arc of these emails.

They start out warm and gentle, like they’re about to offer you a second interview and a hug,

then they slowly twist the knife and leave you with absolutely no career or closure.

Sometimes they even throw in a line like:

“We encourage you to apply again in the future.”

Which is wild.

Imagine your ex saying, “This didn’t work out, but I’d love if you reapplied to my heart in 6-12 months when I’m hiring again.”

Worse still are the rejections that come weeks after you’ve emotionally moved on.

You’re healing. You’re growing. You’re exploring new roles.

And then suddenly—ding—there they are again.

An email that starts with:

“Apologies for the delayed response…”

Like they got caught ghosting and now want to circle back like everything’s cool.

I once got a rejection email three months after the final interview.

It felt less like rejection and more like someone backing out of a relationship I didn’t know we were still in.

I had already mourned, rebranded, and started seeing other recruiters.

The truth is, these emails should just say what they really mean:

“We swiped left. Best of luck out there.”

Or my personal favorite:

“We were looking for a unicorn. You’re more of a caffeinated raccoon. Charming, but not what we envisioned.”

So if you’re out here collecting rejection emails like bad poetry—don’t worry.

You’re not alone.

We’re all out here, writing breakup songs to job descriptions that were never that into us to begin with.

Keep applying.

Keep laughing.

And remember:

Every “We’ve decided to move in a different direction”

is just another step on the long, weird road to the offer letter that actually wants you.

And that email?

Won’t sound like a breakup.

It’ll sound like:

“When can you start?”