Interview from Hell

Last night I had a wild dream about Kayla the recruiter. You know Kayla—always cheerful, always typing “Thanks for reaching out!” with the emotional depth of a plastic spoon. The one who ghosted me after round four of interviews, right after telling me I was “a top candidate with great energy.”

In the dream, I’m walking into this giant corporate office that’s somehow also a castle. There are no lights—just the glow of LinkedIn notifications floating midair. Every hallway echoes with the faint sound of people saying, “We’ll circle back.”

I finally find Kayla sitting on a velvet throne made entirely of rejection emails and unposted job descriptions. She’s wearing a headset, a tiara, and what I can only describe as “HR chic.”

She looks me dead in the eye and says,

“Thank you for your interest, Alex. Unfortunately, we’ve decided to move forward with other candidates.”

I gasp. “Kayla! We’re in a dream! You can’t ghost me here!”

She smiles and floats upward like a Disney villain being promoted. As she rises, she throws down a scroll. It’s my résumé—marked up with red ink, coffee stains, and the words “too enthusiastic” underlined.

I chase her through a maze of cubicles that suddenly turn into a labyrinth made of branded swag—water bottles, stress balls, company pens from 2017. Every time I turn a corner, someone in a blazer hands me a new NDA.

I finally catch up to Kayla in the break room (which is also somehow a volcano?), where she’s standing by a Keurig that dispenses tears and “great opportunities that just weren’t the right fit.”

I say, “Kayla. Just tell me the truth. Why didn’t I get the job?”

She pauses dramatically, looks off into the distance, and whispers:

“You didn’t upload your résumé as a PDF.”

I collapse. The ground opens. I fall into a pit of cover letters written in Arial.

And then—boom. I wake up.

Sweating.

Confused.

And somehow, still pending review.

I grabbed my phone and checked LinkedIn…

Kayla viewed my profile 3 minutes ago.

No message.

Coincidence?

Or is she haunting me in real-time?

Either way, if this turns into a trilogy, I’m calling the next dream “Kayla 2: Return of the Panel Interview.”

Sleep tight out there, job seekers.

It’s wild in the dream market.