Concrete Dreams

You ever get a call from someone who says they want to help you get a job—but halfway through the conversation, you realize their “job” is just you opening a concrete franchise in the middle of nowhere?

Because I have.

It started like any other hopeful Tuesday. I had just brewed a cup of “please-hire-me” coffee and was deep into my daily routine of being professionally ignored by applicant tracking systems when the phone rang.

The guy on the other end had the energy of a morning radio host and the vocabulary of someone who recently discovered LinkedIn buzzwords.

“Alex,” he said. “I came across your profile, and I think you’d be a perfect fit for a high-growth opportunity.”

Now listen. I’ve heard that line before. Usually, it’s followed by a job posting that ends with “commission only” and a training manual written in Comic Sans.

But I was bored and dangerously optimistic.

So I bit.

“Tell me more,” I said, like a fool.

And that’s when he hit me with it.

“Have you ever considered being your own boss? Owning your own business? Becoming a franchise partner with one of the fastest-growing concrete leveling companies in North America?”

I paused.

“Concrete?”

“Yes!” he said, as if I’d just won something. “We give you the truck, the hose, and the leveling foam. All you need is a strong work ethic and a desire to build something great.”

Sir. I am trying to get health insurance. Not pump foam into people’s driveways.

He went on: “Our most successful franchisees made over $300,000 last year.”

I asked, “How much did the least successful ones make?”

He laughed like I was being silly. I wasn’t. I was picturing myself standing on the side of a road in July, wearing a polo with my name stitched into it, explaining to a skeptical homeowner that, yes, this hose does in fact fix your driveway.

At this point I had questions:

• Do I get dental?

• Does the hose come with emotional support?

• What part of my LinkedIn screams “Ready to be a Concrete King”?

He replied, “You seem entrepreneurial.”

Sir, I am unemployed.

I didn’t lose my job and say, “You know what I should do now? Invest $85,000 into a franchise that requires me to wear steel-toed boots and explain gravity to people with cracked sidewalks.”

Look, if concrete is your calling, I salute you. Level those driveways. Foam that foundation.

But for the rest of us?

We’re just trying to make it to Friday without someone trying to recruit us into a business opportunity that includes words like “urethane injection” and “slab stabilization.”

Anyway, if you need me, I’ll be updating my résumé to clearly state:

Not currently seeking franchise opportunities in the concrete space.

Unless the franchise comes with PTO and someone else doing the work. Then maybe we can talk.

Until then, please stop trying to sell me dreams that come with liability insurance.