Applied from Mars: One Small Click for Man, One Giant Ghosting for Mankind

So imagine this: I’m living on Mars. Not for fun, not for science, but because Earth’s job market finally broke me. After my 257th rejection email that began with “We were impressed…” and ended with “…but we’re moving forward with someone cheaper,” I packed my emotional support coffee mug and launched myself into the cosmos.

Life on Mars isn’t glamorous, but it’s quiet. No recruiters. No unpaid “test projects.” No Zoom calls that could’ve been emails. Just me, my Wi-Fi (which is suspiciously better than Comcast), and Brad the emotionally stable mouse—he came with me because even HR can’t ghost him.

Then one day, I see it.

A job posting.

Remote. Full-time. With benefits.

“Now hiring: Culture-Driven, Adaptable, Resilient Team Players.”

I scream into my spacesuit.

THIS. IS. MY. MOMENT.

I brush the red Martian dust off my keyboard, update my résumé to include “interplanetary work ethic,” and type my cover letter like it’s a letter to Earth herself:

“Dear Hiring Manager,

Though I currently reside on Mars, I am willing to relocate (emotionally and gravitationally). I’ve worked in extreme environments, collaborated across species (shoutout to Brad), and can thrive with minimal oxygen and maximum ambiguity.”

I click Submit Application.

Then I wait.

And wait.

At one point I thought I got a response, but it was just my oxygen alarm going off because apparently, even on Mars, rejection takes your breath away.

A week later, I get an automated email:

“Thank you for your interest. We appreciate your impressive background, but we’ve decided to pursue candidates more aligned with our timezone.”

TIMEZONE?!

Ma’am, I’m literally sending job applications from a different planet. That’s dedication, not disqualification.

Brad tried to cheer me up. He brought me a rock shaped like a heart and chewed through an Ethernet cable out of solidarity. He gets it.

But you know what? I’m not giving up. Because if I can send résumés across space, I can survive one more “We’ll keep your résumé on file.” (Spoiler: they won’t.)

So if you’re job hunting from your couch, from Mars, or from the emotional pit of career limbo—just know:

You’re not alone.

Someone out there is fighting the same algorithm, wearing the same coffee-stained hoodie, and hoping the next interview doesn’t end in the words “culture fit.”

And if I ever do land the job?

I’m putting “Martian resilience” under Skills and demanding PTO that includes interstellar travel.

Because Earth may not be hiring right now…

But your determination is out of this world.